On a more personal (and somewhat random) note….

*Before I get going, please know that I have started a response to all of the wonderful people who commented and messaged me about the whole teaching thing. Expect to see that in a day or two. With that having been said…

It’s a difficult thing to look inward, but I’ve done just that recently. One of the many reasons that I love my wife so much is that she “keeps me honest.” If you know me, then you know that I absolutely need that! It’s not an easy task to have to deal with me, so let me say that I really appreciate the fact that she never lets me get away with anything. (And I’m serious about that.) All it takes is one look or an offhand comment from her and I’m immediately into self re-evaluation mode. (For some reason, this comes to mind.)

At any rate, sometimes life can be a real pain in the ass. I’ve been struggling lately in a perpetual state of mental anguish. It’s not something I go through very often, so it’s been a bit foreign to me, but it has been tangible and strong. If you’ve read my other posts, then you’ll see that I’m not quite satisfied with my job right now. More on that later, though. For now, suffice it to say that I’ve had quite enough of all of it: the myriad stresses that life imposes upon us. And for what? To make us more miserable? stronger? who knows?!….

You can take a boy out of ole’ Dixieland,

but you’ll never take ole’ Dixie from a boy. 

We moved 600 miles south, only to find that we ain’t in the South anymore. Good grief! I miss it. I never imagined that I’d miss the South as much as I do, but Ronnie’s words ring so true for me right now. The people down here are just, well, not Southern. They’re way more upfront in their assholery and they are wwwaaayyyy lacking in the common sense department. It drives me nuts that these folks just don’t have manners or politeness or tact. Or, at least it has driven me nuts. While I miss the “bless your hearts” and the “kill ’em with kindness” mentality of my fellow Southerners, I’ve also decided that I will no longer allow my environment to negatively impact me. That’s a tall order, but I just can’t keep going on like I have.

There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

Being a passenger in the seat of life is no way to live. That’s just no way to live. I’ve had a number of personal and professional epiphanies of late. I must thank my excellent online friends for their input and their love.

I’m just…well, I should just probably stop. I’m running the risk of becoming all-Romeo in Act I, scene i or Hamlet at pretty much any time in that play or – dare I say it? – maybe even Prufrock and I don’t want to become an overly dramatic parody of myself (anymore than I already am). It’s just occurred to me that we’re all fighting our own battles, so to speak. And those who are dearest to us have such an impact….

Isn’t this what’s life really all about? A continuous re-creation of self? Always seeking and forging one’s own way? Dealing with that heinous bastard called life?!

It occurs to me that perhaps there’s a beauty to all of that – those struggles and questions and doubts and triumphs – that a better philosopher can comment on. It just amazes me that it took me this long to see it. Or, maybe more precisely, that I need to be reminded of it this constantly…